I think I know what the natural consequence might have been from my mother. Just where is "next week," anyway? If I could knock myself there right now, I'd do it. Perhaps her other wise words, "this too shall pass," would be true by then.
In adult life, you say something like this and you're considered rude or you get an equally (or disproportionately) stinging comment returned. Is there a truly "logical" punishment or negative consequence for this? My best friend says I have few options, since I don't give my boys many sweets or TV or other easy take-aways. Seriously, folks, I'm not doling out corn syrup to give myself parenting options.
So, I'm throwing myself to the proverbial wisdom of others. Child experts, parents, grandparents, and quirky bystanders of the world - UNITE! Here's your chance for solicited advice.
love, MamaToo
7 comments:
Sorry don't really have any advice for you, my little one is just learning how to say her first words.
Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading and I hope you get some answers.
S.B.
http://bethriftylikeus.blogspot.com
Been there, done that with my three kids (now ages 13, 11 & 10). First- remember that it's not really about you personally. It's about what you will not let the child have/do!
My response to this usually was "I'm sorry you feel that way right now, but I love you anyway" that was usually followed up by, "Regardlss of how you feel, it's not OK for you to talk to me that way". Ideally this is all said in a very matter-of-fact tone so that you're not contributing to the emotional drama with the child...
The offending child would probably then get sent to his/her room (or a neutral place if he was sharing a room w/brother!) until he/she could be pleasant or could talk to me about what the real problem was without being rude.
And in our house- sincere apologies are expected... (or at least sincere sounding!)
Good luck!
Frazz,
Thanks - it's good to know that (maybe) what I'm doing could help us all survive another 10 years. :)
Good to hear your perspective & wisdom.
-MamaToo
explain why what they said was inappropriate...and explain that when we hurt someone, an apology is necessary. If this is a one-time thing - I'd leave it at that. If it happens again -you could do something like put them to bed 10 min early.
Also it depends on the child's age - if this is a 2 yr old saying it or a 6 yr old saying it...a 2 yr old would have less understanding of consequences.
Don't you think a long time-out would make sense? I mean, it's a socially isolating comment. If you don't like me, then stay away. (Maybe you shouldn't say it quite that way though!) :)
It's also an expression of frustration or anger and maybe a little explanation of how to express emotions might be helpful.
Good luck.
When I did that to my mom, she would say, "I'm sorry you don't love me, but I will always love you." Then I'll get punished for saying that. All in a calm voice.
Don't be too hurt by it. I never meant it, it's just manipulation. If children can manipulate our parents by saying that and getting whatever we want because they feel hurt or guilty, we'll keep doing it. Don't allow that to happen.
When we love our children from deep within it cuts to the core when they say things like "I dont like you". Miss K's cue that she doesn't like the parental choices we make is to respond with..."I dont think that will make me happy" Of course she is a child and as a child can't see that we make choices for them when they can't. We give her choices in some daily things eg. you can wear this or this or would you like an apple or a banana. We believe that small choices now lead to good choices during teen years and life.
Frazzmom does what we do and it works really well. The next step of the stage is for them to tell someone other than a close family member that they don't like them. K did this so we discussed what behavior the other person was showing for her to feel this way.
Oh the lessons never end.
love Aussie Mom
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