stop it

Once in a while, my writing takes a serious turn.  Such is the case in this letter.  If you're searching for the fun things going on in the Kenobi household, skim ahead to other posts.  Or, for a fun clip and good advice, check out this link here.



November 15, 2010

Dear Mr. Bully,

Over the past year, you've gone from friend to foe in our household.  You've sent a vicious and relentless string of written and spoken tirades.  You've accused me of everything from ruining your marriage (which, may I remind you, was all but over before we knew one another), to ruining your career (which you had sorely neglected long before we met), to trying to steal your child (this one I can't even dignify, because it's so absurd).  You've sent vile and threatening messages to me, my husband, and my friends.  You've posted about me on social networking sites, and used others' accounts to stalk me online.  You've even written on my personal, (somewhat private) blog, and demanded I accommodate you by publishing your personal information there, as if it is a place for you to carry out your closing arguments against me.

When I've blocked your emails, you've changed accounts and forwarded messages to avoid spam filters.  When I've avoided you in person, you've followed me and hovered near enough to remain intimidating.  When I've told you to stop contacting me, you've replied - sometimes with crazy theories about why I deserve your attacks.  You've even text messaged me, asking for time and influence with my children.  (Are you kidding?!?!)  You'll tell any listening ear or reading eye that I'm a horrible person, and you're full of false accusations about me, my family, and our friends.  You've tried to vilify me to other parents and staff at our children's school.  You've lurked around me and my kids on the playground, watching our every move, and even parked yourself right outside my child's classroom.   You've spewed epic, extremist slurs of hatred and judgement against me and others, but never acknowledged the harm of your own words and behaviors.  You've been hateful, mean, and ridiculous.

You are, in every sense of the word, a complete bully.

Frankly, I think you are a jerk and an abuser, a coward who takes advantage of the immeasurable amount of grace others have shown you.  You are willing to hurt anyone - even your own spouse, child, and friends - to try to make yourself look right. You relentlessly use me and others as scapegoats for your own failures, blaming us for the consequences of your choices, instead of making something productive of your life.  And I, for one, am done putting up with it silently.

I have a life, a family, friends, and interests.  I have concerns, work, and relationships my own.  I have a real, imperfect, and yet vibrantly growing relationship with the God that you claim is condemning me.  Guess what - the bible you love to misuse says that God doesn't condemn me.  Moreover, he is incredibly loving and gracious!  If you knew Him, you'd know that.  In fact, because I know God and his grace, I have forgiven you and wish you complete healing.   However, I will not create space for you to hurt us any further.  I have moved on, sir, and I've left you and your angry malice in the past.

Let's be clear: I am not asking you to apologize for all of the hurtful things you've said, though an apology is certainly deserved.  I'm not asking you to repay the wasted hours we've spent listening to you and responding carefully.  Nor do I ask that you acknowledge the crushing disappointment of realizing that good friends and a supportive community would not help you start on a path toward health.  I'm not asking you to agree or compromise with anyone, nor be supportive of me, my family, or my friends.  I'm not even asking you to focus your professional expertise, training, and time doing some actual work.  It is frustrating, however, that you claim to pursue justice for the oppressed, yet seem content sitting at your computer and going after innocent people relentlessly and maliciously.

Honestly, you've caused many people to wonder if you've completely lost it and are able of carrying out some of the threats you spout against them.  You could get help, change and repair some of this damage, but I suspect you may continue wasting your time and talents.  Get counseling, get a job, or get a new fantasy.   Live in truth, or live a lie.  Do what you want with your life - just leave mine alone!

Whether you are incredibly evil or incredibly crazy, I can't figure out.  It doesn't matter, because I don't want to hear from you again.  Ever.  I'm telling you the same thing I've told you dozens of times before: Leave. Me. Alone.

I'm done asking you and finished pleading with you.  I am demanding that you cease any and all contact with me.  I have a right to be free from your harassment and intimidation.  My children have a right to be free from worry about what you're plotting against their mother.  My husband has the right to work without your relentless and ridiculous attacks.   Stop contacting us, stop stalking me, and stop using my name, presence, and reputation as the excuse for every problem in your sorry life.  I'm not at fault, and I'm tired of being a victim of your insecurities and delusions.

And for the other readers of this blog, the ones who wonder why I went from posting regularly about our life to carefully avoiding this bully, well...  now you know a little bit of the story.   I have spent far too much time and energy putting up with his crazy, malicious, pathetic attacks.  This is my blog, and I'm choosing to speak out.


Sincerely,
MamaToo