the birthday party dilemma

Obi-1 turns four soon - FOUR YEARS OLD! - and we're having a small dilemma over his celebration. He's old enough that he knows what birthday parties entail: cake + presents for him. He's even mentioned Chuck-E-Cheese, to which I replied, YIKES! I don't want to spoil the joy in a child's birthday, but the details are tricky.

We have been blessed with many little friends now, some from the 'hood, some from play groups, some from church, and some (especially one very best friend ever) from our old city. We talked with Obi-1, and suggested we have only neighbor friends at our party this year. He is satisfied with that, but we might want to provide treats for our play group and church parish group that day, too.

Our family considers themselves "local," but can't commute over to us mid-week. Obi-1's birthday is on a Wednesday. Do we celebrate on a Saturday instead? We have plans that weekend, and it doesn't seem fair to make him wait days to be celebrated, anyway. So should we have a party without family? Or, do we have separate celebrations; family one day, friends another? Do I need to make a cake for both?!?

Finally, what do you do for a 4-year-old's party? There are entire sites and catalogs and industries devoted to theme-parties. Again, YIKES. We're just hoping for good weather so we can have it in our backyard.

The main dilemma for us is this: how do you celebrate the child in your family? How do you focus on him, and not how much sugar one can eat or plastic stuff one can accumulate in a week? Is that possible? Is it reasonable? Obi-1 knows the birthday routine of others, and in spite of creative options otherwise, he expects presents and cake. However, I'd like limits on some things, so our values don't get thrown out once a year.

So, that's the question o' the day. We want to express to our son that we are so grateful for him, so proud of his growth, so excited about his next year... all without excess stuff and events that muddle the message.