the phone rings

...and the craziness begins.


Does this happen at your house, too?

We can be having a nice, quiet, fun afternoon. The boys can be enjoying each other's friendship. They can be eating their favorite pita-hummus lunch concoctions, or playing happily with their train set. Everyone can have everything they need or want.

It does not matter, as they will think of Something Urgent about .0538 seconds after I pick up a ringing phone and say, "hello?" No matter how calm and satisfied we were, life will turn upside down at that moment.

Obi-2 will need to go potty. Right. Now. He will shout loudly, "I need Mama help me!!!" though normally, he doesn't want my help (yippee). Obi-1 will decide he no longer wants to share with his brother. Water (or juice, or milk) will be spilled. Somebody will whack his brother, and both boys will need to report the incident to the proper authority. These things may happen individually, but more likely it's all at once.

I can respond to the boys' pressing needs, giving my caller the pleasure of hearing flushing toilets, "Tell him you're sorry," or "just a minute," intermingled with our conversation. Or, I try to do enough pantomime and sign language to handle their needs silently. These options leave my discussion distracted, at best. The other option is to leave the room, but they follow me. I'm a regular Pied Piper, traveling around the house with a phone at ear and a trail of children behind me.

Do you want to know why you don't receive phone calls from me? Are you curious about why you get my voice mail when you call my cell phone AND my home number? Do you think to yourself, "isn't she a stay-at-home mom? What could be keeping her from the phone?"

Sometimes I avoid phone calls because I enjoy those moments of peace in my home. Oh I like to be able to carry on a conversation with you, but that is difficult while I'm wiping bums, washing hands, pouring milk, retrieving the lost Lego, or reminding two boys in bunk beds that they are Supposed To Be Napping. If you want a real conversation on the phone, we should schedule it in advance or talk after 8 PM PST.

A few months back, I instituted a new rule here: "When Mama is on the phone, the answer is no." It worked really well for a while, but I lost ground when I failed to enforce it. It only takes one time of pulling out more snacks by the handful or retrieving Larry the Cucumber from toy jail to let everyone know that "when Mama is on the phone, the answer is whatever-makes-you-quiet."