to coffee or not to coffee

That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

the potential of infant insomnia and baby acne breakouts,

which may or may not be related

to a nursing mother's caffeine consumption,

Or to begin the day at half pace,

struggling to catch up to the energy and ideas

of three young boys.

And by not partaking in a morning cup?

To sleep-walk through a routine of breakfast,

eaten standing at a kitchen counter while rocking a baby,

leaving one to find herself eating that same,

though unfinished, cold toast five hours later at lunchtime.

To long for the snapping brain synapses

that only seem possible with the aid

of a full night sleep, or a cup of joe...

True confessions:

With my firstborn, Obi-1, I did not drink coffee through an entire pregnancy and the year I nursed him. Never. I even kept away from most opportunities for chocolate. As I recall, my reasoning was something about caffeine and its impact on brain development. Something like that...

With my second-born, Obi-2, I did not drink coffee during the pregnancy, nor the first month of his new life. After that, I sparingly had a cup of coffee - no more than a couple times a month. Usually this was when I met up with other, more seasoned moms while they enjoyed a beverage at our local coffee shop. My reasoning had to do with the brain development concept, as well as avoiding food sensitivities in my newborn.

This time, with Obi-3, I cut back on coffee through portions of my pregnancy. By cutting back, I mean I had a cup of coffee a few times each week. I cut it out completely mid-pregnancy, but returned to the land of the caffeinated in when my midwife said it may help me cope with allergies. I also ate chocolate liberally (I love chocolate). By late in the third trimester, I'd enjoy a homemade latte or coffee several times a week. Once Obi-3 was born, I settled back into routine. With Mr. Kenobi home from work and my parents in town recently, there was always coffee flowing every morning, and I enjoyed it daily.

This time, I reasoned that an alert and happy mama is a safer, more fun mama. Safe and fun makes it more likely that they'll have a happy childhood. You pick - brainy & pretty, or happy? I thought so!

Problem is, Obi-3 has suffered from that horrible affliction called "baby acne," which I'm told is normal, but unnerving. It leaves me wondering about the causes. One source claims that caffeine can create break-out reactions in a baby's skin. The last thing I need right now is to be the reason my poor darling is all pimply.

So, this week, I said "goodbye" to coffee. Note: I said goodbye to coffee at the same time as I said goodbye to the help and love of my parents, and goodbye to the daily attention and capable hands of Daddy Kenobi. Not. Good. Timing.

Here's the rub: Obi-3's face is looking better. Or, perhaps I'm getting so bleary-eyed that my judgement is fuzzy. Yet it does seem improved. Could a cup of coffee each day make a difference, or is it that nifty new calendula cream? I'm not sure.

Today, however, I returned to the caffeine-induced perkiness of motherhood. Honestly, I needed it to get everyone out the door and to a doctor appointment on time. The morning went well, and everyone seemed mysteriously happier.

So, now I'm musing over the days ahead: to coffee, or not to coffee? I think I'll ponder this more after I've finished my latte & brownie...