stay at home

Sometimes I get frustrated that I don't live in a magazine article.  I'm no minimalist, but I also find it tricky to balance my desire to purge with my desire to honor other people's stuff & lifestyle.  Sometimes I long to just come in the door, look at fresh flowers on a formal dining room table, and put my feet up without pushing over a few stuffed animals.  Alas, that's not my home.  What is my home, however, is so much more than a few pages in this month's feature spread.  Perhaps you can relate.

My home is...
A restaurant.
A hotel.
An indoor sword-fighting arena.
A knitting group space.
A woodworking studio.
An indoor park.
A coffee shop.
A classroom.
A science lab.
An art studio.
A house church.
A quiet date spot.
A favorite reading corner.
A communal library.
A sewing shop.
A central command post.
A community center.
A meditation space.
A laundromat.
A lego land.
A photography studio
A computer lab.
An after-school care center.
A dance studio.
A theater.
A dormitory.
A concert hall.
A racetrack.
A movie theater.
A greenhouse.
A costume shop.
A drive-through diner.
An urgent-care center.
A bowling alley.
A teachers' lounge.
A packing and shipping post.
A bed-and-breakfast for friendly travelers.
A pirate ship.
An editor's desk.
A bike repair shop.
A storage facility.
An indoor soccer arena.
A jungle gym.
A mobile hotspot.
A deli.
An art gallery.
A hardware shop.
A counseling office.
A bar.
A craft store.
A refuge.
A community kitchen.
A ballroom.
A satellite engineering office.
An all-team headquarters.
A second-hand shop.
A campground.
A community bulletin board.
A marketing consulting firm.
A tea house.
A dietician's office.
A comedy club.
An ice-cream parlor.
A garden.
A clubhouse.

There are probably more, but this list reminds me there is both work and reward in the job of keeper-of-the-home.  When I left the paid workforce, I was pretty sure I'd have all sorts of spare time.  Now, there are days when I wonder where the hours went between breakfast and bedtime!  Still, when it seems oh-so-not-glamorous, I can think about this list and remember why I'm staying at home in this season of life.

Home is where we...
update our status in person.
get rest.
laugh.
learn.
lose our shoes.
mend what's broken.
speak our mind.
get quiet.
track our progress.
get better.
contribute to the whole.
grow.

a fairy, a fall, and something stinks

So, last week our small group was going through The Story of God, and discussing the realities, allegories, and implications of it all.  In varying detail, we told the story of a beautiful, wild and tropical place, complete with happy neked people spending time in the company of their good Creator.

Earlier that evening, one of my friends was sharing her desire to have "loads upon loads of laundry" like I do, at least in that she longs for marriage and children.  While she & I chatted, I was struck by two things: first, how even the mundane chores of my life can be coveted blessings for another person.  Second, I caught myself trying not to be jealous as she described her building's laundry facilities, with multiple machines and times when she could sit in quiet and do all of her (two weeks') laundry at once.   It sounded like fiction - like the "laundry fairy" who works magic in our house.

The two conversations, it turns out, are quite connected.  The neked people eventually had to put on some clothes, because they made a couple of choices that put them at odds with their God and changed their perspective on what He created.  Not only that, but the consequences of those early choices changed the course of history for all of us.  Specifics, of course, depend on who you talk to, but our small group had quite the lively conversation on the topic.  Every choice has its consequences, big or small.  In my house, the laundry fairy went truant for several days, and now she's facing her own penance.

See, I just put a fourth load of laundry into the washer.  It was cloth diapers, so it is set to a delayed start (to hit lower energy use time for its several cycles of scalding hot water).  When I wake up tomorrow, I will be about halfway through the piles of laundry here, and that's if I stuff a bit more than I should into the "colored" loads.

Then again, there's an odd stench wafting from the coat closet, and I'm reminded that the boys' afternoon playtime outside in the garden (dirt) and clubhouse (with puddles) means I need to wash their coats and shoes before things get too rank around here.  What's more, I recently resigned my own coat to the laundry, after my youngest son walked his cute almond-butter fingers up my arms.

Okay, I'm probably not halfway done.

Am I horribly ungrateful to secretly wish for a laundry "facility" with multiple machines, wifi, and time to sit quietly and chat with friends online?  Perhaps the real blame is pointed at those first people - the ones who decided it was shameful to run around neked all the time.

While it may not be the most serious plague of our time, I'm pretty convinced that one of the most tangible results of the "fall of mankind" is the piles of laundry around my ankles.

living the dream

The boys and I watched Martin Luther King Jr's famous "I have a dream" speech this week.  We pulled out a youtube video during time we cheerfully refer to as, "Runamuck Elementary School."  Purposefully misspelled, "Runamuck" is our description of the day-to-day family life where we are learning and experiencing things that stretch, instruct, and enrich our lives.  It's a nice combination of activities, adventures, friends, family, and often, mess.  


Sometimes, people will refer to this "Runamuck" concept as homeschooling, but I think that term should probably be reserved for the families who take on the responsibility of teaching their children seriously and intentionally, with plans, curriculum, and vision of a specific form of education.  In our case, "Runamuck Elementary" is just part of parenting (and living) in the Kenobi household.


Lately, however, I've spent a lot of time thinking, reading, and considering what really makes one well-educated.  I ran across some of Dr. King's thoughts on the subject, which seemed as timely today as in 1947, when he evidently spoke these words:

"Education must also train one for quick, resolute and effective thinking. To think incisively and to think for one's self is very difficult. We are prone to let our mental life become invaded by legions of half truths, prejudices, and propaganda. 

At this point, I often wonder whether or not education is fulfilling its purpose. A great majority of the so-called educated people do not think logically and scientifically. Even the press, the classroom, the platform, and the pulpit in many instances do not give us objective and unbiased truths.

To save man from the morass of propaganda, in my opinion, is one of the chief aims of education. Education must enable one to sift and weigh evidence, to discern the true from the false, the real from the unreal, and the facts from the fiction.  The function of education, therefore, is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically.

...We must remember that intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education."

Well said, MLK.  Well said.

resolve

'Tis the time of year that lots of people resolve to do things differently, better, more, or less.  I've fallen victim to my own resolve (or lack thereof) in the past, and am always tempted to say, "Never again will I make resolutions that set me up for failure!"

Still, there's a certain contagious optimism to resolutions.  And generally, even a day, week, month, or short season of change is usually worth the effort it took to get there.  In a spirit of looking to the good and hoping for even better, I'm sharing a few of my resolutions for our new year.  When we're at our best, these are already true, so I suppose I just hope to see more of our best in the coming months.    Happy New Year!

In 2011, I resolve to...
... Remember that my hope is that our children will have a happy childhood, even if it came at the expense of a tidy, easy, or quiet season in my life.

... Remember that my husband came home from work today, even if it's later than I'd like.  Even more, it's work that suits him well, and brings many blessings in our life and the lives of others.

... Remember that there are lots of ways that others will influence our life, and sometimes it doesn't seem right or best at the time.  I'll trust that God truly does work things together for our good.

... Remember that the little ledge in my kitchen is for people to lean against while sharing about life, and that they can't do that if I allow clutter to pile on it.

... Remember that they probably are acting their age (this goes for children, friends, and extended family).

... Remember that my health is important, and make choices accordingly.

... Remember that I rarely regret the things I do not say.

... Remember that road trips are fun, and I shouldn't be afraid to go new places with my family.

... Remember that my guests need a clean cup, something in it, and a listening ear when they come to my home, and these are within my ability to provide.  Other things are nice, if they can happen without undoing the first three.

... Remember that there are board games we can play without causing strife.  Seriously, "non-competitive" is not always a bad term.

what's in your feast

*** Updated 11/24/10 ***
THE ANSWERS ARE HERE... (in bold, under ingredient list)
Happy Thanksgiving, friends!


It's that week again... Time to pull out the menus and stuff ourselves silly.  Somehow, all of this cooking, eating, and eating some more is related to a celebration of gratitude.  It's also a time that brings back memories for many of us, often stirred up with the smells and tastes of the week's feast.  I distinctly recall not liking certain parts of traditional Thanksgiving dinner when I was a child, so now I make different items or eliminate the offending items completely.  Happily, I can report that some of those dishes were pretty unhealthy, so it would be hard to consider them a loss.  I'm not just talking decadent or deliciously-guilt-inducing unhealthy.  In reality, a lot of Thanksgiving favorites have more to do with modern chemistry than old-fashioned harvest bounty.

One of the topics that I get pretty excited about is nutrition.  I don't follow a lot of complicated, calorie-spouting, gram-checking dieting, but I do try to live by simple, basic health values.  For example, we like the Real Food Rule: a grocery purchase should be a real, identifiable, item, as close to it's original state as possible.   We aim for nutritional balance, and believe that some things add flavor (i.e. butter, salt, sugar), so they're worth the investment.  Basically, eat less or make less, but don't bother with fake stuff.  And save the road trips for summer vacation: with a few exceptions, buy food that hasn't travelled too far.

They're simple rules to live by, of course, and they don't neglect the biggie of any feast: food should taste good!  Frankly, real food tastes better.  I'm not a gourmet cook, but I do feel like it honors our bodies & those who grow food to take the small effort required.

So, in the spirit of good food and better health, I bring you a little quiz.  Given only the ingredient lists of many a Thanksgiving dinner staple, I challenge you to a game of name-that-menu-item.   The idea is simple; take a look at the ingredients and guess the dish.  All are common Thanksgiving feast options, and likely available from your local grocer.  If the answer is obviously listed as an ingredient (some aren't!), I've substituted an * in its place.  Put your guesses in comments and I'll publish all appropriate efforts, as well as the answers, later this week. Enjoy!

1. Canola Oil and/or Soybean Oil, Egg Yolk, Sugar, Salt, Cultured Nonfat Buttermilk, Natural Flavor, Spices, Garlic (Dried), Onion, Vinegar, Phosphoric Acid, Xanthan Gum, Modified Food Starch, Monosodium Glutamate (MSG), Artificial Flavors, Disodium Phosphate, Sorbic Acid and Calcium Disodium Edta, Disodium Inosinate and Disodium Guanylate.
Club Crackers

2. Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and/or Cottonseed Oil, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Salt, Spice, Yeast Parsley (Dried), Cooked Chicken and Chicken Broth, Hydrolyzed Soy and Corn Protein, Celery (Dried), Monosodium Glutamate (MSG), Soy Flour, Onions (Dried), Sugar, Whey, Corn Syrup, Garlic (Dried), Caramel Color, Turmeric Disodium Guanylate, Disodium Inosinate, Sulfites, Corn Oil, Bha and Bht, and more...
Stovetop Stuffing


3. *, Powdered Cellulose, Salt, Maltodextrin, Cream, Sugar, Modified Wheat Starch, Butter, Natural Flavor, Nonfat Milk, Mono And Diglycerides, Buttermilk, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Natural And Artificial Flavor, Sour Cream, Disodium Phosphate, Artificial Color, Soy Flour. Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Sodium Bisulfite And Bht.
Betty Crocker Homestyle Reds Mashed Potatoes

4. Water, *, Salt, *, Modified Food Starch, Wheat Flour, Corn, Cottonseed, Canola, Soybean And Partially Hydrogenated Cottonseed And Soybean Oil, Cream, Milk, Soy Protein Concentrate, *, Monosodium Glutamate (MSG), Potassium Chloride, Maltodextrin, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Spice Extract, Yeast Extract, Dehydrated Mushrooms, Flavoring, Dehydrated Onions, Dehydrated Garlic, Butter, Cream Powder, Soy Lecithin, Enzyme Modified Butter, Nonfat Dry Milk, Lipolyzed Butter Oil, Oleic Acid, Butter Oil, Enzyme Modified Butter, Acetic Acid, Lactic Acid, Palm Oil, Wheat Flour, Soy Flour, Salt Dextrose, Tbhq, Citric Acid,in Propylene Glycol
Campbell's Green Bean Casserole

5. Corn Syrup, Sugar, *, Water, Modified Food Starch (Corn), Dextrose, Gelatin, Natural And Artificial Flavor
Sweet Potato Casserole with Kraft Marshmallow Topping

6. Water, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Sodium Bisulfite And Sodium Benzoate, Lemon Oil, *, Wheat Flour, Shortening (BHT), Brown Sugar, Sugar, Modified Cornstarch, Salt, Dextrose, Spice, Water, Propylene Glycol, Artificial And Natural Flavors, Alcohol, Methocellulose, Defoaming Agent (Mono- And Diglycerides, Acetylated Monoglycerides, Fatty Acids, Ascorbyl Palmitate), Caramel Color.
Frozen Apple Pie


7. Water, Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Coconut And Palm Kernel Oils, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sodium Caseinate (From Milk), Natural And Artificial Flavor, Xanthan And Guar Gums, Polysorbate 60, Sorbitan Monostearate, Beta Carotene
Cool Whip


mmmmmmm.....  Enjoy your feast!

stop it

Once in a while, my writing takes a serious turn.  Such is the case in this letter.  If you're searching for the fun things going on in the Kenobi household, skim ahead to other posts.  Or, for a fun clip and good advice, check out this link here.



November 15, 2010

Dear Mr. Bully,

Over the past year, you've gone from friend to foe in our household.  You've sent a vicious and relentless string of written and spoken tirades.  You've accused me of everything from ruining your marriage (which, may I remind you, was all but over before we knew one another), to ruining your career (which you had sorely neglected long before we met), to trying to steal your child (this one I can't even dignify, because it's so absurd).  You've sent vile and threatening messages to me, my husband, and my friends.  You've posted about me on social networking sites, and used others' accounts to stalk me online.  You've even written on my personal, (somewhat private) blog, and demanded I accommodate you by publishing your personal information there, as if it is a place for you to carry out your closing arguments against me.

When I've blocked your emails, you've changed accounts and forwarded messages to avoid spam filters.  When I've avoided you in person, you've followed me and hovered near enough to remain intimidating.  When I've told you to stop contacting me, you've replied - sometimes with crazy theories about why I deserve your attacks.  You've even text messaged me, asking for time and influence with my children.  (Are you kidding?!?!)  You'll tell any listening ear or reading eye that I'm a horrible person, and you're full of false accusations about me, my family, and our friends.  You've tried to vilify me to other parents and staff at our children's school.  You've lurked around me and my kids on the playground, watching our every move, and even parked yourself right outside my child's classroom.   You've spewed epic, extremist slurs of hatred and judgement against me and others, but never acknowledged the harm of your own words and behaviors.  You've been hateful, mean, and ridiculous.

You are, in every sense of the word, a complete bully.

Frankly, I think you are a jerk and an abuser, a coward who takes advantage of the immeasurable amount of grace others have shown you.  You are willing to hurt anyone - even your own spouse, child, and friends - to try to make yourself look right. You relentlessly use me and others as scapegoats for your own failures, blaming us for the consequences of your choices, instead of making something productive of your life.  And I, for one, am done putting up with it silently.

I have a life, a family, friends, and interests.  I have concerns, work, and relationships my own.  I have a real, imperfect, and yet vibrantly growing relationship with the God that you claim is condemning me.  Guess what - the bible you love to misuse says that God doesn't condemn me.  Moreover, he is incredibly loving and gracious!  If you knew Him, you'd know that.  In fact, because I know God and his grace, I have forgiven you and wish you complete healing.   However, I will not create space for you to hurt us any further.  I have moved on, sir, and I've left you and your angry malice in the past.

Let's be clear: I am not asking you to apologize for all of the hurtful things you've said, though an apology is certainly deserved.  I'm not asking you to repay the wasted hours we've spent listening to you and responding carefully.  Nor do I ask that you acknowledge the crushing disappointment of realizing that good friends and a supportive community would not help you start on a path toward health.  I'm not asking you to agree or compromise with anyone, nor be supportive of me, my family, or my friends.  I'm not even asking you to focus your professional expertise, training, and time doing some actual work.  It is frustrating, however, that you claim to pursue justice for the oppressed, yet seem content sitting at your computer and going after innocent people relentlessly and maliciously.

Honestly, you've caused many people to wonder if you've completely lost it and are able of carrying out some of the threats you spout against them.  You could get help, change and repair some of this damage, but I suspect you may continue wasting your time and talents.  Get counseling, get a job, or get a new fantasy.   Live in truth, or live a lie.  Do what you want with your life - just leave mine alone!

Whether you are incredibly evil or incredibly crazy, I can't figure out.  It doesn't matter, because I don't want to hear from you again.  Ever.  I'm telling you the same thing I've told you dozens of times before: Leave. Me. Alone.

I'm done asking you and finished pleading with you.  I am demanding that you cease any and all contact with me.  I have a right to be free from your harassment and intimidation.  My children have a right to be free from worry about what you're plotting against their mother.  My husband has the right to work without your relentless and ridiculous attacks.   Stop contacting us, stop stalking me, and stop using my name, presence, and reputation as the excuse for every problem in your sorry life.  I'm not at fault, and I'm tired of being a victim of your insecurities and delusions.

And for the other readers of this blog, the ones who wonder why I went from posting regularly about our life to carefully avoiding this bully, well...  now you know a little bit of the story.   I have spent far too much time and energy putting up with his crazy, malicious, pathetic attacks.  This is my blog, and I'm choosing to speak out.


Sincerely,
MamaToo