my color

I painted my office. Finally, I have a red room.

When I was in 2nd grade, we all filled in a worksheet that was about our "favorites." At 7 years old, this information is critical to determining who you can be friends with (and, conversely, who is so definitely weird you could never be friends). Cool favorites = cool person. Come to think of it, this is similar to how many adults act in an election year. But I digress...

I thought red was an obvious choice as a favorite. The other girls in my class liked pink or purple. Frankly, I never could understand the obsession with pink, but you know, it's not that bad - just a light, faded version of red. Purple, remember, is just a mixture of red plus blue. So that means pretty much everyone likes red, right? Evidently not everyone. I was the only 2nd grader who chose red.

Feeling a bit confused as to why I was the only one recognizing red as a wonderful color, I sought out the coolest person I knew: my mother. My mom is absolutely beautiful. She has amazing taste in everything, and knows nearly everything worth knowing. She just personifies cool. This is not just my opinion - it is fact! So when I asked her, I didn't want to taint the survey (even then I was keenly aware of marketing). I tried to avoid revealing my bias, simply asking "Mom, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue." That's for real - my mom said her favorite color was blue. I distinctly remember the next day, in late September. As I walked to school, the sun was out and the sky was beautiful. I decided mom was right. I wanted to change my answer. Blue really was my favorite color from then on. So I changed my answer, and for many years, my favorite color has been blue. I do love blue - especially the color of the sky just before sundown. I love the water, too, and usually (except where we live and it's heavily polluted) water has a wonderful hue of blue. Deep, rich, saturated blue is beautiful. When my son wanted his room to be blue, I was thrilled. Blue it is - and more for our bedroom, too!

Blue can also be viewed as quasi-neutral when you're painting your house. If you sell, people probably won't viscerally react to blue. Red, though, well that seems to draw a reaction. It has to be just the right red and only in just the right place and just the right amount. Thus, we (like everyone else) painted most of our old house "sell-yer-house-beige" before listing it last spring. The former owners of our new house chose "hang-yerself-gray" throughout (my own opinion & color description. Everyone else loves the color of a rainy day and compliments us on the colors we "chose" in the house).

Red still draws me, though, and now if I was asked, I'd probably say there's a tie for my favorite. I have always wanted a red room. There is a small room just off our dining room that we use as a home office. From the moment we moved in, I determined that it would become my red room.

I know what you're thinking. I heard it all from nearly every person who heard my plans:

"It will make the room seem smaller."

"Red is too energetic - it's the color they paint restaurants so you'll get out sooner."

"Yikes! Red on all four walls?!"

"Are you sure you want that red?"

"Choose a more neutral color and use red as your accent."

Red is my accent everywhere; I wanted a real color on the walls. So I persisted. And last night, I finished the final coat of Miller Paint Co.'s Roasted Red Pepper on all four walls of my office. It is gorgeous - like the deepest, sweetest, ripest tomato in an August garden. I feel like I have stepped into an HGTV special - where people take risks with color and the results are breathtaking. The change has motivated me to organize and personalize my office, getting through clutter that has dogged me since we moved.

Now, when I sit in my office, I'm really happy to be surrounded by such a cool color.

other people's children

Today I was at Barnes & Noble for a quick errand. I left without books, but with an amazing lesson about grace.

A woman was there with her two young children. The woman looked like she had pulled her clothes out of the hamper and left the house without checking the mirror - no makeup, hair haphazardly pulled back, etc. The older child looked about 4, and he had probably dressed himself, as he was in a bright orange running suit with lizard rain boots. The younger was also in rain boots, which is a little odd because it's bright and sunny today.

Anyway, she was searching the stacks, apparently for a specific book, and her kids were ignoring her frequent pleas to "stay put" and "don't touch that." Finally, she found whatever she was looking for. You think she'd have taken off at that moment, but no - she came around the corner and into the childrens' area.

The kids area a B&N is pretty cool, aside from the intricate displays of books that are just begging to be knocked over by eager little hands. Her kids were everywhere - when one would head for the trains table, the other was randomly pulling books from the shelves and bringing them to the woman. She'd glance up, acknowledge them quickly, and then return to searching. I know it wasn't taking long, but being around the mounting chaos of this little family seemed like hours, rather than the minutes it really took.

The B&N employees were busy stocking the shelves, apparently oblivious to the hectic trio. The woman interrupted one to ask a question, holding her youngest child in her arms and one hand stretched out to signal "wait" to the older child. The employee replied "I'll go look," but halfway to a desk she stopped to visit with another customer. The exhaustion on this young mothers face was obvious; she had one book in hand, and appeared to be striking out in the children's section.

I heard the woman tell her children it was time to go. The older child had a book in his hands and said (loud enough for those nearby to hear clearly), "I want this Thomas book!" The woman said no, it was time to leave. "I want a Thomas book!" - the child raised his voice and added a whining tone for effect. The younger child pulled a book off a shelf. The woman's purse slipped from her arm as she reached to scoop up her youngest and grasp the whiny kids' hand.

Suddenly, this older child yelled "NO!" and lunged away from his mother. She reached for him, stepping to catch him. He took off, screaming "I WANT A THOMAS BOOK!!!" and running away from his mother. I heard her stay something along the lines of, "uh oh - that is a very bad choice. Come. Here. Now." Off he ran, though around the stacks of books, out of the children's section and down the center aisle of the store, screaming "I WANT IT!" and crying huge tears.

Now I'm a mom. I know that a child his apparent age is old enough to know better than to talk back to his mother or throw a huge tantrum. Pretty much every one of us in the store knows that. We craned our heads around bookshelves, staring at this crazy interaction of mother and child, waiting to see what she did. An employee near me (I think the one who was going to find the answer to this woman's question) made a comment about some author with a book about how to make sure kids don't do this type of thing...

Here are some of my thoughts from that moment: "Clearly that mother gives in to her kids fits. Obviously she has not set clear boundaries or followed-through on discipline consistently. I'm guessing those kids have more than a few items at home that were bought after such a show-down. Kids are so spoiled these days. What that kid needs is a good ______."

I am shocked and dismayed at my own callous attitude. Where did those criticisms come from? I didn't know the story on that woman or her children, right? Where is the grace? Where is my compassion and mercy for her? Where is the help?

Yet there are my thoughts, and I'm sure I had more criticisms about her running through my little judgemental mind. I may not have assaulted her physically, but my mind was beating her down faster than the kid could run. As she scooped up her screaming child, depositing her book on a shelf and hauled both kids out to the minivan, I kept thinking about all the mistakes she was making as a parent. All the reasons her children would grow up to be self-centered adults ran rampant through my mind.

And yet, as you have probably already guessed, this story is autobiographical. Today I went to B&N, with my kids, and that fit was thrown by dearest Obi-1. I wanted to find three items: the book Blue Like Jazz (for a sweet new friend). I also wanted to find a children's story about Moses & the exodus to lead us into Passover, and I was hoping to get my own copy of Grace Based Parenting, which I recently read and want to own. (It was probably good for the book's author & publisher that I was not carrying that in my arms as I struggled to get Obi-1 out the door.)

I will admit, Obi-1 was hungry, over-tired, and at the end of a long week without Daddy (who's been on a business trip). And yes, he was absolutely out of line in B&N today. The boys and I probably provided some good birth control today, and maybe spurred a few parents into some of those legalistic styles of parenting & discipline. Truth be told, I didn't set Obi-1 up for success, and he definitely didn't make very good choices on his own. When we got home, we had a serious conversation & consequences that will hopefully stick with his mind next time. We also had a sweet time of prayer - a boy and his mama, requesting forgiveness and receiving a fresh start, admitting our weakness and receiving strength.

What shocked me in thinking about it afterward was my own need for, and lack of, grace. I'm that woman. Those are my children. They were the ones who wouldn't, or couldn't, listen to me. I had a really important errand to do, and I thought I could get it done. It was too much, we weren't working together, and it didn't matter how simple or reasonable I thought it was. I had too much on my plate, and was trying to hurry. And worst of all, all of those judgements were running through my mind - beating myself up all the way home.

I'm fumbling through parenting, holding a picture in my mind of the end results, but not always sure how to get there. I am such a rules-follower, and generally, so are my boys. Rules can be good, but rules are not the means to our Father's approval, and that's the temptation I run to. If only I can do things just a little better, then He'll be happy with me, right?! If my kids say the right things and behave a certain way, then people will know we follow Christ, right? Problem is, that is the self-centered thinking that will only lead to despair, not hope.

That's not how I want others to see Jesus in me. There's nothing redemptive in my goodness. Not that I shouldn't or can't discipline myself (and my children) to choices that are in line with a holy God. But those choices aren't where my worth is found. That's where rules and discipline and behavior modification and great appearances lose their power.

In talking with Obi-1, I explained that God wants him to honor his mother and choose obedience over selfishness. When he chooses to listen and obey me, both Mama and God are happy. He recognized that, and he prayed so sweetly to ask forgiveness and help next time. And then the best part of the morning happened: I had a glimpse of the real-deal, end-of-the-story picture in my son. He finished what I started to say in conclusion, "Mama, God loves us, all the time, even if we're not good listeners."

Yes. God loves him. His poor behavior disappoints, but never removes him from a love that is insurmountable. If there is one thing I want my son to know for certain, it is the confidence Paul wrote about to the Romans:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Grace changes us and it changes other people. It shapes how we see and how we're seen. Today, my boys & I really needed grace and compassion. I could barely offer it to my children, and I definitely had little for myself. I was the woman everyone watched, nobody helped, and many may have judged. And yet, I was, and remain, truly loved.

thirteen items for the baby book

I know a lot of mothers (especially the really really good ones) who note each of their children's new words, activities, and developments in cute little baby books. Often these books are decorated with creatively cut and placed pictures, stickers, and really are complete works of art. My boys do not have these books, nor the creative mama that is neccessary to make such keepsakes.

Okay, technically, Obi-1 has a book, and I was decent at filling in blanks for about 1 year. We moved here last summer, and it has not been unpacked. Obi-2 has an adorable book with little animals on the cover. Inside, I think I've inscribed his name and date of birth. There is no record of him doing or saying anything.

There are things I'd like to remember about my children's first years. Without a book, it's unlikely my brain will keep all of theses things around for long. However, as you know - I've started a blog!

So, here are Thirteen Things I Want to Remember about this season:

1. Obi-2 (almost 2) cannot enunciate the sound "tr". He uses an "f" sound instead. He loves trucks. He sees them everywhere, especially "dum trucks." Say it out loud, and laugh with me...

2. Obi-1 has taken to calling me "Babe." (He hears Mr. Kenobi say it, I think.) For example, here's a recent conversation:

Me: "Obi-1, get your shoes on so we can leave."

Obi-1: "Okay, BABE."

3. The boys are do not get candy... it's my rule, but they help enforce it. Obi-1 sees treats and asks me, "Mama, is that yucky for me?"

4. Obi-1 loves combing paint colors to make other colors (i.e. red + yellow = orange).

5. Obi-2 has figured out that play-doh colors mix together to make a "Big Mess."

6. Obi-1 loves to build things, like large lego towers and intricate train tracks.

7. Obi-2 loves to knock things down, especially large lego towers and intricate train tracks.

8. I am the only one in the family afraid of heights. Obi-2 will climb nearly anything and jump off most things.

9. Obi-1 is a bit more cautious when climbing; he checks to make sure I'm not watching.

10. Both boys recently started asking Mama for a baby. (Thanks, Grandma...)

11. Everything is more fun when you call it an Adventure! We have recently gone on "park adventures," "museum adventures,"cookie adventures," "a Seattle adventure," and even "naptime adventures."

12. Three-year-old prayers run together in sweetness: "Thank-you-God-for-this-day-and-the-food-and-Mama-and-Daddy-and-(Obi-2)-and-the-friends-and-Amen." 2-year old prayers are sweet, too, and sound something like this: "psss pssh pssssh pss pssh psshh Amen."

13. I have no idea why, but there is a particular phrase that started with Obi-1 and his best friend a year ago. It remains the most hilarious phrase in our household, and seems to never lose its punch-line effect:

"Jesus loves... PAPER!"

thirteen reasons I'm proud of Mr. Kenobi

For anyone who isn't sure, Mr. Kenobi is my husband. Very cool and wonderful guy that he is, I decided to introduce him to the blogosphere with this week's "Thursday Thirteen." Here are thirteen reasons (out of milions) that I'm proud of Mr. Kenobi.

1. He's an amazingly hard-worker, willing to lead his office by example.
2. He gets up in the middle of the night to take care of our boys' needs, often without waking me.
3. He's interested in nutrition and health, and so gets information and supports me when i'm trying new foods out on the dinner table, even if it doesn't contain meat.
4. He's adventurous, but willing to get educated and consider a risk before jumping in (and taking his family along with him)
5. He's a terrific skiier, amazing tennis player, and patient teacher of both.
6. He can put everyone around him at ease.
7. He understands that God is really big and incredibly good, so he pushes me to stretched faith all the time.
8. He supports our family with his income, and never complains about the pressure of that responsibility.
9. He's very smart, and yet willing to share his interests with me - even when the it's Geology of ancient North America or rules of NCAA tournaments, and even when I'm not very gracious about listening.
10. He prays for his employees and cares deeply about their lives.
11. He loves his parents and brothers, and he chooses to forgive more quickly than react.
12. He jumps right into his "daddy" role with excitement and energy, even after a long day or week at work.
13. He keeps making dates fun, even after 10 years.

good day to balance an egg

When I was little, every year we'd balance an egg (on its end) on this day. What a great way to get a science lesson & see this phenomenom of the vernal equinox.
I've heard that it's not really all that scientific, and generally relies less on earth equilibrium and more on the right combination of egg shape & patience. Turns out there is a lot more information dispelling the idea than backing it up. Nonetheless, it's pretty cool and a great intro for kids (or anyone) to get into earth science.

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/errata/a/equinox_eggs.htm

I'm off the kitchen to get an egg (not hard boiled) and try it once again. Never too late to be amazed!

boys in the 'hood

When we were moving last summer, many friends prayed with us for a smooth transition for our boys. We were leaving very good friends, so we hoped we'd find new playmates to help them adjust to the new city. I am reveling at how wonderfully God provides!
Here, on our front steps, are the neighborhood boys from our block. We live within a few house of each other, they're all within 18 months in age, and each is at home during the days with a parent! They have such a great time with each other, and on the sunny afternoon this picture was taken, we grown-ups were hanging out in the front yard while the boys raced bikes, played with tonka trucks, or enjoyed a snack and brief rest on the steps.
We are truly blessed.

happy st. patrick's day

Mr. Kenobi doesn't like celebrating the Irish, but he wore green out of threat of many pinches.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. This Irish blessing hung in our home most of my childhood. Have a great day!

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

superman has requested a name change

Superman thought there was too much pressure in his nickname. He suggested Ordinary Joe. I figured I am not married to an ordinary joe in "real" life, so why use that nickname online? So, I said I'd change it but it had to be cool.

He likes Obi-one and Obi-two, so we'll stick with that for the boys (even though I think it's geeky).

And my husband? Well, he's going by Mr. Kenobi.

thirteen blessings of the church search

We moved here last summer. We had high hopes of finding our new church before we actually moved, but that didn't happen. So, we hoped it would happen by end of summer ('06). Turns out that wasn't God's timing, either.

At the advice of some very trusted friends and former pastors, we persisted in regularly attending one particular church through Christmas. We even took their "what we're about" class. The whole time, we weren't sure it was God's place for us, but the newness of not having a church home was something we hadn't experienced or planned for, so we pressed on.

During December, Superman & I spent one day a week fasting and praying and reading through the book of Acts. (At some point, I'd like to write more about that experience, as it was phenomenal.) Nonetheless, by start of 2007, we were no closer to knowing where we belonged locally than when we moved. So, over the past few weeks, we've gone back to a church we liked last summer. We're taking their "so ya' maybe wanna be a member" class each week, and this time things look more promising.

It is hard for us not to be members of a church. It's hard to trek our little boys to different places, trying to figure out the layout of the building, or the neighborhood, or trying to meet people and connect. It can be a challenge to go each week, not sure how long service might last, or if the worship might be organized very differently than we're used to. Needless to say, I could probably write many lists of why it's hard to be us.

However, that's not really true. We have one God, and He is faithful. We are part of a holy kingdom, a royal family, and a worldwide community of believers. We are not the only ones who struggle to figure out how to get ourselves out the door and into a church each week.

I was asked to write a "Thursday Thirteen" list. A number of topics came to mind, but this seemed to be easiest for a newbie at this whole blog thing. So, here are 13 Blessings of the Church Search.

1. My children get to see that God is always the same, even when the music or the people or building change.
2. We see first-hand that other Christians struggle, no matter their church affiliation. We also see first-hand that they have hope, no matter their struggle.
3. We have learned some great new songs.
4. We have learned to notice when the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5) is prospering, and we're putting more importance on that than our own desires for programs or appearances.
5. We've seen that God is loving the lost, feeding the hungry, and binding the brokenhearted, through many people and in miraculous ways in this city.
6. We have learned that worship can look very different, and sermons can be very different, and even the initials after the church name can be very different, but worship is always good if it's of one true God.
7. We've been linked into several different churches, and been included in ministries and outreaches we might not have known otherwise.
8. Lots of different people sing "How Great Thou Art," and mean it.
9. We no longer pray, "Please give us a local church, God." but rather, "Please use us, and care for us, as You want." (Ahhhh... the sweet feeling of surrender.)
10. Wise people are everywhere, as are highly insensitive people. Usually, the wise outnumber the insensitive, even if they don't aren't always louder.
11. We've learned that finding a church quickly isn't a success vs. failure operation.
12. We've learned that community is made up of three parts: 1) what was, 2) what is, and 3) what's hoped for. A church can't rest on any portion - it's a balance that requires work.
13. God will provide everything in perfect timing. He's been faithful all the days of our lives.

spring contest

I think weather forecasters have amazing job security. Yesterday, I looked to see the same-day predictions for this little rain forest, and can you believe it actually had a QUESTION MARK in it? Seriously - the little picture (intended to give us visual learners an indication of the weather) had a windy cloud, some rain drops, and a bit of sunshine, all with a large "?" over the center.
The real irony of all of this is that it generally rains, or is "cloudy-with-a-possibility-of-sunbreaks-or-scattered-showers" from late September to July 5. I would guess that a weather forecaster could say, "chance of rain" or "probable rain" every day and be pretty accurate. The idea of the extra security of a question mark leaves me incredulous.

So, I invented a little contest for a friend and I, since both of us are ready for sunny days. Here's the deal: we each go for a walk with our kiddos to find trees in full spring blossom. (Spring is just barely starting here, so this is a bit of a challenge and requires a good walk.) The first to collect 12 blossoms wins.

The kicker: the entire walk must be completed in the dry portion of the day!

Yesterday, she found 5 blossoms and we found 4. Since neither made it to 12, we're off on round 2 today. It's kind of our own version of March Madness.

my boys

I have two boys, and they need nicknames.

So far, I've considered Obi-Wan and Obi-Two. I don't like Star Wars, but I'm also not very creative, and so these are the nicknames I came up with. Giving them birth names was hard enough!

When we named them at birth, we didn't want anything that was easily shortened into a nickname. However, I'm paranoid about using real names on big world wide web and all.

This may be ironic, since I had a website for our engagement back in 1999 - complete with maps and details to the big day. Motherhood has changed me, or perhaps I've seen too many "To Catch a Predator" previews. My husband suggested using their initials, but even that seems risky to me.

So for now, you can suggest something. Otherwise, they may end up being Obi's. Maybe I'll figure out something better soon. (For anyone who knows them, the oldest is "1" and the younger is "2.")

Oh - and what is the nickname for my dear darling husband, you ask? At present I'm leaning toward Superman. I think it fits.

formal education

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a professional student. I loved school, especially with hours devoted simply to learning new stuff. There are many days when I daydream about student life. Plus, there's that beautiful final day of class or school - when you graduate, or pass, or ace the test. There are benchmarks of a job well done, progress made.

I had a friend over yesterday. She's a young, bright college student. She was fretting about what she might do if she hadn't passed a final exam. Later that night, grades were posted and she had done well. With little wait, she could celebrate mastery and build on her success.

There is no formal education for my career. As my family grows (in size and age) and our interests change, my job moves onward but not really upward. There is no ladder to climb (other than bunk beds!) here; no glass ceiling to hit. One stage of motherhood isn't really harder or easier than another, though things are certainly different. While helpful education exists, it's really an on-the-job training sort of career.

In my case, I've had to make a switch from my younger attitudes about mothering and homemaking. The two do not always go hand-in-hand, but in my case, they do. This is not just "time off" from something else or "in between" other jobs. I really haven't left work. I've just left the paid workforce for a time. :) Daily life, while different and more flexible, requires my passion, continued education, and a lot of God.

Science, business, education, politics - they all are professions with great potential. It's no less miraculous when this career is done well.

hello.

I've started a blog.

Some asked for it directly.
Some made cheeky comments about my lack of consistent updates via email.
Some teased about how long it took me to send photos or post to our website.
Others suggested it might be fun for me to have a creative writing outlet.
Two even explained how to get started.
...yet I resisted all of you:
"I can't add one more thing to keep up with (or feel guilty about)!"
"It would be terrifying - putting my thoughts on the internet!"
"I have no idea how to start one!"
"One more thing and my computer will crash forever!"
"I don't want somebody stalking my kids!"

The excuses ensued, but so did the idea, and so now... a blog.

enjoy.