If you move a sun-loving, midwestern girl to a northwest city, she'll want a yard. If she gets a yard, it will be soggy from the 300+ days of rain per year.
All of that rain will encourage mold & mildew to grow in the soil. She will call it M&M-land. Thinking of M&M's will remind her that she loves chocolate & baking. She will stay inside during the winter, making & eating cookies.
Eating cookies will make her gain weight. She will want to lose the weight. She doesn't like to exercise in the rain, so she'll look wait for sunny days.
When the sunny days start, they will dry out her yard. She will want to play outside with her boys. She will start to think she likes the northwest.
Playing outside will remind her that the yard must be mowed. She will ask Mr. Kenobi to mow her yard. He might do it. Mowing the yard will make Mr. Kenobi want to go for a walk or ride bikes. He will take his wife & children out on adventures.
All of that playing, mowing and bike riding will stir up the mold & mildew that was growing outside. It will mix with the dust that is already in the air. The girl from the sunny midwest is allergic to mold, mildew, and dust.
She will sneeze a lot and start taking Claritin. Claritin will aggravate her contacts, which she needs to wear, because her boys have broken her glasses. She cannot see without contacts or glasses. She will take out her contacts and stay at home.
Being at home will remind her that she needs to clean out the closets and vacuum under the furniture. This will not help her allergies. Her eyes will start watering and her nose will run constantly. She will buy kleenex and let her boys watch Sesame Street and Bob the Builder.
People will ask her if she's in crisis, because she'll look like she's been crying for days on end. The girl will become so frustrated by it all that she may actually start crying for days on end. She will probably make audacious statements like, "I'm allergic to this place!" and "I hate living here!" and "I want to move to Arizona!"
She will be kidding... a little. Kidding around will remind her of how much she likes playing in the yard. She will want to go outside.
And chances are, if she goes outside, it will start to rain again.
5 comments:
I love it!!! And as a midwesterner turned californian turned midwesterner, I can relate!!
Even us northwestern girls are alergic to this time of year! :) I was telling my hubby how unfair it is that cleaning (something that already takes motivation to do) agrivates my alergies making it even harder and more miserable to do.
Maria,
It's so funny to think my kids are "northwesterners"... they will never (?) know what it's like to be from someplace that experiences rain once in a while! They actually like the soggy climate.
Obi-2 has been singing "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man... bumped his head... in the morning!" He doesn't know the middle parts, but loves any song that includes bumped heads & rain. :)
Have you ever tried a Neti-pot? It sounds gross but you pour warm saline (salt water) into your sinuses and wash them out. It has worked great for me, better than Claritin and Zyrtec, etc. I loved this post! If You Give A Mouse A Cookie is one of my most favorite kid books! That settles it--you are brilliant.
Thanks Mallory! :)
My mom mentioned a neti-pot to me last night, and I went and bought one. After trying it twice, I'm feeling much better! Amazing.
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