thirteen ways to be community

Thirteen Things about MamaToo

I haven't met anyone who doesn't long for, or find joy in, good community. So often I find myself (and others) musing, "I wish people were more connected now-a-days."

Many of us want to be part something bigger than our own needs, households, and workplaces. We might know of people or places that appear to have real, organic community. While those images may be somewhat true, I suspect we are all far more responsible for the state of our community than where we are or who we know.

My question is this: If we can't control how others respond, do we still want community? (And what if it means investing a lot of our own effort, talent, and time? What if the end result might be really wierd and messy? What if we end up moving away from the people and places we love, and have to start all over?)

What does it take for you to be community? Here are thirteen of my ideas, and I'd enjoy hearing more...

1. Listen. Pick up the phone and let somebody hear your voice. If you're stuck for a topic of conversation, ask an open-ended question about them.



2. Cook. Food is often given after births and deaths, but we all need to eat in the meantime. I keep a few extra supplies in the pantry for an easy, impromtu meal. When somebody is having a tough day or needs a little break, take them a meal.



3. Celebrate. Remember a birthday or anniversary or other special date. Note: I'm not suggestion giving gifts for everything, but call or email or send a card or pick a dandelion and show up at their door. A friend of mine calls and plays the Beatle's "Today is Your Birthday" on full volume. It's nice to be remembered and celebrated.



4. Get out. Find an excuse to go for a walk with somebody, or try a new place for coffee or dessert. Get face-to-face and make eye-contact.



5. Compete. Start a competition (friendly) over something. Here's a fun one a friend & I did recently...



6. Go. Show up at another person's home - without planning 2 weeks in advance.



7. Invite. Have somebody over - today. Quit waiting until you clean the house and your emotions are under control and your children are well-behaved. Focus on your guest, and choose to forget protecting your image or your ego. Show somebody else that you value real people - imperfections and all - by your example.



8. Commit. Find a weekly book study, prayer meeting, exercise class, or hobby that gets you together with the same few people every week. Put it on your calendar and honor the time it takes to build relationships.



9. Get traditional. Take cookies to the new neighbors, and include a note with your name, address, phone number and email. If you don't bake, support the Girl Scouts or Keebler Elves. If you don't have new neighbors, knock within 2 doors of your own.



10. Forgive. Community is a work in progress, so expect some injuries along the way. Choose to forgive and move on.



11. Specify. When somebody asks what they can do, know what you're willing to turn over. Maybe it's babysitting your child, or picking up something for you at the store, or coming over to fold laundry, or signing up for a triathalon with you.



12. Specify again. When you offer help, mention a couple specific things that you're good at, and give a time frame that will work with your schedule. This gives the recipient something real to choose, and shows you're serious about giving of yourself.



13. Persist. Community is built like a pyramid - one step at a time, with a lot of labor along the way - and with beautiful, enduring and amazing results.

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